You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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