This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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