we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
