Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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