Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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