Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
