Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
