I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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