remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You smell like stripper and shame
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
