I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
