I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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