and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
