I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
