I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize