Welp...herpes.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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