Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
