I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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