When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
