It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
