Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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