It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am mentally ready for anal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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