you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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