no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The air was thick with penises
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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