why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
