Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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