I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize