If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
