did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
