they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
