You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
