I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
