when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
