There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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