Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
