Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My life is pants optional.
Randomize