I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
