We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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