My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
