when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize