Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
