'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
