Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
