Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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