six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
