We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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