Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
