His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
