he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
