dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
