Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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