Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
