Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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