Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
