dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
