R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
