I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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