She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
