Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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