I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize