i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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