allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
