I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
