I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize