Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
