Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
