i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
