Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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