i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
