mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
