you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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