I wish I only lived at night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
