after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
