She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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