you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
