i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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