I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
