Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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