He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
