Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
