I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
