so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
