I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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