she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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