Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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