Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
