i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
