there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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