he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
