There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
