At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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