With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
