I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I love you. Go after that dick
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
