If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
