You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
