its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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