is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
