I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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