I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
